When someone is dying
When someone you love is dying.
These weeks and days can be tender and frightening at once. This page explains what often happens, where to find help, and what you might like to think about now, so that later you can simply be with them.
Help at home
If they are being cared for at home, you do not have to manage alone. Ask the GP about:
- District nurses, who visit to help with comfort, medicines and equipment such as a special mattress or a commode.
- Hospice care at home. Severn Hospice cares for people across North Powys and Shropshire, in their own homes as well as at its hospice in Newtown. Care is free.
- Marie Curie nurses, who can sometimes sit overnight so that you can sleep.
- “Just in case” medicines, kept in the house so that a nurse can ease pain or breathlessness quickly at any hour.
What you might notice
Every death is different, but in the last days many people sleep more and eat and drink very little. Their breathing may change, with long pauses, or become noisy. Their hands and feet may feel cool. These changes are a natural part of dying and are not usually distressing for the person. If you are worried, the nurses will always come and explain.
Hearing is thought to be one of the last senses to fade. Talking to them, playing music they love, or simply holding their hand can mean a great deal.
When it is expected, there is no need to call 999
If the death is expected and happens at home, call the GP surgery, or NHS 111 out of hours, or the nurse who has been visiting. Ask whether they have a DNACPR form or a ReSPECT form in the house: it tells paramedics and doctors what the person wanted.
Things that can be done now
None of these is necessary. But families often tell us they were glad to have talked about them while they could.
- Their wishes for the funeral. Burial or cremation, a hymn, a reading, where they would like to rest. Our wishes form can help, and you can print it and keep it.
- A will, and lasting power of attorney, if they do not have them. A solicitor can visit at home.
- Where important papers are kept: the will, bank details, any funeral plan or insurance.
- Who they would like told, and who they would like to see.
Talking to us beforehand
You are very welcome to call us before the death, just to ask questions or to let us know. Some families find it reassuring to know who will answer the phone when the time comes. There is no obligation, and nothing to sign.
We are here, before and after.
If someone has died, please call us at any hour and we will come to you. For anything else, you are welcome to call, write or call in.